I’ve been silent for a while, but believe me I saw it all. I saw that the Southern Baptist Convention voted once again to bar churches with women pastors. I watched Netflix’s documentary series “The Death of a Pastor’s Wife.” This story disturbed me in a way that I don’t even feel comfortable discussing online. The most angering church story of the summer has definitely been the embarrassing story of Full Gospel Baptist Church fellowship and the pastor of the First Baptist Church of St. Louis. Somebody needs to do (another) deep dive on predators in the pulpit. But it won’t be me. I don’t have the capacity.
Each of the above stories is an indictment on the treatment of women and girls in our churches. The Southern Baptists will tell you that they believe in a doctrine of complementarianism, in which women and men, while equal in value have different roles and responsibilities in marriage, family, and religious life. Others are even more extreme, and believe that women should not participate in the public sphere at all. They would even strip women in America of the right to vote.
I’m no math scholar, but that doesn’t seem equal to me. It seems crazy to me that of all 66 books of the Bible, the only verse they take literally is the one about treating the wife as a weaker vessel. Forget all that love your neighbor crap, I guess.
It might surprise you, but I do believe in a form of complementarianism, just not the way these churches use it. I don’t subscribe to Paul’s household codes any more than I subscribe to print editions of fashion magazines. Both are equally relevant to my personal life. I am aware of them, and every now and then I’ll flip through the pages of both. I might even take a few minutes to read through them, but neither have taken up room in my heart or in my home in a very long time.
Instead, I believe that God gives visions complementary visions to chosen people, so that those people can walk together in ministry purposes. Sometimes, that can be a husband and wife. But many times it is not.
A few weeks ago, I attended a Zoom Bible study with a local church. I am grateful that they let me hang out with them on Wednesday evenings. We were reading Acts 9-10. And the idea of complementarianism leapt off the page at me. In Chapter 9, we see Paul on the road to Damascus, and Ananias being summoned to Straight Street to meet him there. These two men didn’t know each other. They were not friends. In fact, Ananias was aware of Saul’s reputation, and brother Saul did not have a good report.
Yet, Jesus, in God-form, gave each of these men complementary visions. Ananias received a vision to go to Judas’ house and find Saul. Saul, who sat in that house, and could not see, was given a vision that a man named Ananias was coming to pray for him. Ananias laid hands on Saul, and not only was his physical sight restored, but he was filled with the holy spirit.
One of the things that I love about this story is that we never see Ananias and Saul together again. God calls some people together for a particular moment in time or for a particular purpose. Your ministry partner might not be your life partner, and that’s okay. What matters is that the two of you come together to do the work you were called to do, and when that work is over, you can go your separate ways.
In Acts 10, we get Cornelius and Peter. Again we get two men who do not know each other, but whom God has called together for their mutual benefit. Cornelius is just a good dude who is blessed with an angelic visitation. The angel only gives Cornelius the first step, which is to send for Peter. The angel tells the centurion that Peter will tell him what the next steps are. It is a considerable act of faith to go looking for someone to help you complete your life’s work. It’s an act of faith just to believe such people exist, but I’m a witness. They are out there.
Peter’s vision comes while he is in a trance. He doesn’t see an angel, he only hears a voice. Some of us have enough faith to follow that still small voice. Others of us need signs and wonders, or angelic visitation. Luckily, God comes to each of us in the form that we need to see or hear.
My favorite thing about this story is that Peter’s understanding of his vision/dream is murky at best. Peter is still trying to figure it out when Cornelius’ servants come to the door, and he doesn’t completely understand until he actually spends time with Cornelius and those in his household to understand the vision. Sometimes the people we are called to partner with don’t look like us, think like us, or act like us. It often takes someone with a different perspective than our own to help us clarify what our own visions actually mean.
The kind of complementarianism I believe in is one where two or more people, each with visions and ministries of their own, come together to make each other better. It is a beautiful thing to behold.
On this, the eve of Pastoral Appreciation month, it is my prayer, that every pastor, minister and church leader finds the person or people they need to help them to clarify and complete their missions. (And that you not be too surprised, if that person doesn’t necessarily come in the package you’re expecting.)
