If you’re unfamiliar with the term, it is shorthand for when the US Supreme Court issues rulings or procedural motions without a full hearing of arguments. Shadow docket cases do not receive written opinions or a vote from the full court. But the shadow docket often reveals clues about how the court is leaning. This is not about the Roberts’ Court. While I certainly would love to write about some of the court’s decisions in the last few years, that is not how I use this space.
This isn’t about politics at all, really. It’s about me. It’s about all of us, and the Jewish festival of Purim. I love the book of Esther. It’s one of my favorite stories to rehash, and Purim gives me the excuse to go through it again. To make a long story short, an unlikely heroine emerges. She saves her people and reveals the wicked plot of the villain, that wicked Haman (boo, hiss!), who is hanged on the very gallows he had set up to hang one of Esther’s relatives.
I was listening to a rabbi give her meditation, and she said the festival of Purim is about revealing what was hidden. She said the purpose of the costumes people often wear during the Purim festivities often reveal their shadowed selves. This particular rabbi was thinking of dressing up as a barely-clothed waitress from a famous restaurant chain, supposedly famous for their wings. I laughed, but then I started thinking, ‘what does my shadow self look like and what does that reveal about me?’
The scariest part for me was that I don’t believe my shadow-self looks any different than the everyday version of me. She is still a natural-haired hot mess with color changing eyes and a not-so sunny disposition. Shadow me is mean on purpose. Everyday me is just not approachable. Shadow me does all the good work that everyday me never gets around to actually doing. She also wants everybody to know about it. Everyday me prays Nehemiah’s prayer in secret. “Remember me for this”! Shadow me won’t ever let you forget what she did for you.
Unlike SCOTUS, I do not pretend the shadow docket doesn’t exist. I am fully aware of the darkness that lurks within. But I am also fully aware that the shadow only exists because of the light that dwells within. Shadows don’t exist in complete darkness.
So if the church is supposed to be a shining city on a hill, I wonder what it’s shadow self looks like.
Instead of a public hospital, does it become an exclusive country club, where membership has it’s privileges, but we damn everyone else to life outside the gates?
Instead of being a place for honest introspection, reflection, and change does it become an echo chamber of ideas we already espouse?
Instead of being a place where people come to be recharged, is it a place that is sucking the life out of people?
This Purim, as I think about hidden things being revealed, I can’t help but think about what is happening in this country and the world. I think about a school being bombed abroad, and school shootings here at home. I think about hatred and fear. I think about the uptick in depression and anxiety and am almost crippled by my own since of overwhelm and grief.
Then I remember, the only reason I can even recognize the darkness, is because I have been called into the marvelous light. My heart breaks for those who only know the darkness. Shadow work is hard and heavy, but is a privilege to be able to do it.
Usually at Purim, they will retell the story. They will eat, drink and be merry. They will laugh at the appropriate points in the story. (You see what I did there?)They will jeer and make noise whenever the villain’s name is said. I don’t know what Purim will look like this year, as a result of recent events.
But I would hope that we all could take a few moments to consider the idea of heroes and villains, and think about which one we want to be…and which one our actions are most closely aligned with.
Do not go gentle into that good night – Dylan Thomas
The Gospel According to Gabrielle 